Sundowners

"Stop being perpetually
uneasy (anxious and worried)
about your life."
Matthew 6:25

Evening seems to be the worst time of the day for me right now. For patients in the hospital they call it “sun-downers”, because that is the time of day that they become restless, discontent, and sometimes depressed. I'm not sure what actually causes it. Maybe, it's the dark of the night that brings on a feeling of being alone, or maybe it's the moon affecting our ebbs and tides that throws us off balance. Whatever it is, evening is the time of day that my longing for Darrell is at its strongest. Evening was always the time of day that we would cook dinner together and discuss the day. Sometimes our discussion would become so involved that our dinner would be so overcooked that we would just throw it out and have an egg sandwich instead. My heart keeps thinking he should be coming home soon now, but, my brain knows that he is not. The hope that this is a dream still lingers.

A couple months before Darrell died we decided that we would finally put granite counter tops in our kitchen, something we had talked about doing for years. We had a great time shopping for exactly the right granite and new stove top. This was to be our Christmas present to each other and it was scheduled for installation on the 15th of December. It turned into somewhat of a fiasco getting it installed. I won't bore you with the details of that. I was a little peeved at Darrell for leaving me to deal with this problem alone. In my head I could hear him saying: - “Don't worry about it, it's no big deal – trust me.” The crazy part though was I answered him saying: “Well we'll see if it's no big deal!” In the end it was all taken care of and looks beautiful. I only wish he could have seen it done because we were both so excited about it. For a fleeting moment I thought of taking a picture of it so Darrell could see it, as if he was just out of town. I reprimanded myself and thought: “Now Terri, how are you going to send it to him?” When I told my friend she suggested email, the only trouble is Darrell never did figure out how to turn on the computer. I wonder though what the address might be, maybe, darrell@heaven.com? A little laughter helps.