Kallio Memorial Service - Snippet

Our Wedding Day - July 13, 1985

Monday, December 6, 2010

Life Dawns Just Before the Sun Rises

I'm usually awake just before the sun rises. It's a habit formed from so many years of having to leave for work by six in the morning. In those years it was difficult to drag myself from my nice warm bed, but all things change and so do our habits. Now morning is my favorite time of the day. The sound and smell of the coffee brewing is as welcome as an old friend. Just before the sun comes up I can hear the birds singing in excitement as a new day is dawning. There is a sense of calm as the sun rises, showing off the brilliant colors in the sky. Every day God paints another of his masterpieces, ever changing and always more beautiful than the one before. Outside my kitchen window a limb from my crab-apple tree serves as a resting spot for a baby squirrel. He makes me laugh as he stretches his tiny body out across the limb; not sure if he really is ready to wake. I share his feelings as I wash the sleep from my eyes. For me what makes this time of day so special is the promise it holds.

Over the last year I've done a lot of soul searching along with sorting out my life. Or at the very least trying to figure out what my life is about. I don't believe there is an emotion I haven't felt – some more difficult than others – and some I'm still working my way through. I've had a lot of self doubt and wondered what my purpose in living really is about. In other words – why bother? I've come to some conclusions recently and feel a sense of healing. I believe that life can be much like the early morning sunrise if we choose it. We can pick up the paint brush and begin our masterpiece by painting our canvas with brilliant color; or we can let our circumstances beat us down to where the only color on our pallet is black. Like the birds singing in excitement we too can begin the day with a zest for life and all it holds.

For those of you who have read my posts all along you know these conclusions have been hard coming. You also know how I have leaned heavily on God's everlasting love to help me cope with my sorrow. Every morning, over the last year, as I watched the sun come up through the trees Gods message was right in front of me, but I wasn't ready to see it. I only felt alone and dreaded the hours that were to come. I don't know that time really heals all wounds as I'm told, I haven't found it to be that simple and dry cut. At this point I don't know that the loss of my husband will ever fully heal. What I do know is that the gift of life is something to embrace and to waste the gift is not how God intended us to use it.

Today when the wafting aroma of the coffee brewing made its way up the stairs to my room, I woke and washed the sleep from my eyes so I could observe God painting the sky. To my surprise I learned that life dawns just before the sun rises.......