Kallio Memorial Service - Snippet

Our Wedding Day - July 13, 1985

Thursday, October 28, 2010

And The Months Fly - Turning the Page to November

In Colorado each season seems to burst onto the stage in diva style. This year though, summer has tried to hold on with all her might and we have had an opportunity to see what fall can be like. This last week of October the winter chill has begun setting in though, temperatures at night have been dropping causing a bit of frost on the old pumpkins. I don't think it will be long now and we will be seeing a little bit of Mother Natures white wedding dress. I'm not a big fan of snow, but, I can say that there is something beautiful about it in the early morning when the sun first pops its head up making the ground look like stars twinkling in the night.

I haven't done much in the way of writing this summer. It seems my concentration level has been lacking and my mind jumps around from one topic to the next. I have 5 articles that are in various stages of completion for my genealogy blog, but when I pull them up to work on them my mind goes blank. Oh, I may write a few more sentences but soon I close the file again and move onto something else. I'm in a perpetual cleaning mode in my office. I get one area organized then I get bored with that and move onto a project and fill it right back up again. I bounce in and out of Facebook like an idiot just to see what the rest of the world is doing.

I'm dreading turning the page of my calendar over to November and am actually having a great deal of anxiety about it. It's hard to comprehend that last year at this time my moments with Darrell were counting down to the end. It's a difficult feeling to explain. Losing Darrell has been as if someone stripped all the color from my life. It's a struggle to find out who I am without him. I can see my reflection in the window and know that the color of life is still there but, it's so darn hard to leave behind what once was and never will be again...

These days I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward. It's not an easy process for me and there are days that I wake up crying and continue to all day. I find that little things still bring joy. Like having my 13 year old grandson, who by the way is almost as tall as I am now, come and sit on my lap like he did when he was little. He tells me maybe he is too big to sit on my lap. I tell him I will let him know when he is too big – and then I will sit on his lap instead.

Life can change in an instant – you can never say I love you to often.....