The Day of Loss - Continued

"Don't be afraid, Jesus said."

"Take Courage, I am here"

Mathew 14:27 niv

As the Chaplain led us down the endless hallway I could not catch my breath.  My mouth went dry and I could no longer swallow.  With every step I could feel my heart pounding.  Pounding! Pounding, faster and louder, until I thought I would become deaf from the sound of it.  My mind was racing and yet numb.  Oh, God, please, please make this a dream that I might wake from it.  Take this night of horror away from me.  The door was not far away, I could run, but, I knew I would not escape.

We waited for the doctor to come and explain what was happening to Darrell.  All the while praying and hoping that the news would be better than we thought, and yet knowing it was not to be.  When he finally arrived, he sat in front of me, and as he was going through all the things they had done to help Darrell, all I could think was it doesn't matter what you did.  Just confirm what I already know in my heart.

Then came the waiting for his girls to arrive.  Oh, how was I going to tell them their Dad was gone?  Lord, please take this task from me.  First to arrive was my brother and his wife.  I could not speak, but shook my head instead.  I didn't have to say a word.  The girls arrived in the order of their birth.  One by one they searched my eyes for the answer, an answer to painful to say aloud.  I could not speak, I did not have to.  With trembling arms and broken hearts we held one another and found comfort in each other.  In our sorrow God was with us.  He brought his angels to surround us and there was a feeling of calm in the room.

Today, it is one month since this night and yet it is as vivid as if it were yesterday.